"drowning in a sea of fear"

I have lots of fear. but what i've been thinking a lot lately is my fear of growing up. mungkin karna gue baruuuu aja ulang taun yg ke 17, yg menurut gue udah mulai menuju dewasa. dan juga karna mau pergantian taun kali ya. kayaknya semua cepet bgt, gue blm siap jadi dewasa. bukan blm siap, tapi takut. takut bgt.

I hate grown up things. like get a job, go to work, get married, starts a family, have children, and any other grown up stuffs. I might be 17, but I'm mentally 10 years old I guess. and growing up scared the shit out of me. I don't wanna grow up, k? I want to live my life as a teenager, no, as a kid forever. can I just go back to my childhood, like omg everything was just so beautiful back then.

tapi ada satu hal nih ya nih yg bikin gue pengen cepet cepet gede, I want to travel. kenapa gak sekarang aja lu trapel? gue mau travelling sendiri. or with friend(s), or with a lover, or whoever. for some sensitive reasons, I don't want to travel with my family hihihi. mau kerja dulu kek pake duit sendiri atau minta duit orangtua kek atau minta bayarin jared kek atau duit tetangga kek pokoknya gue harus travelling sendiri ntar klo udah gede.

walaupun jd dewasa ada itu sisi positifnya, tapi kan cuman atu. banyakan buruknya. dan sisi positifnya gak bisa nutupin sisi negatifnya. makanya gue takut. dan yg namanya masa depan itu gak bisa di hindarin. haha mampus. *nangis* *minumbaygon*